Can You Spell "Love"?

My son recently had his 3rd birthday. As with any young child, he just loved opening his presents from his family and friends. This year, he received a present called the “Word Hammer” by LeapFrog. Anyway, this toy magnetically sticks to the refrigerator and has slots for three letters. It kind of reminds me of a modern version of the old magnetic letters that I would play with on the refrigerator as a kid. On my son’s new toy he can put the letter “D” and then the letter “A” and then the letter “D” -- “DAD”. The toy will then identify each letter individually and then pronounce the word.

Wow! What a hit this toy has been in our house. Now my son can spell about ten two to four letter words. In the car he will point to a car and then spell out “C-A-R”. My two older kids are having fun asking their little brother how to spell different words. Just like them, my toddler now has his own "spelling words" as well. If you happen to be looking for a present over the holidays for a toddler, I would highly recommend this one.

I look back and think that my son was adopted from overseas only a little over a year ago. He spoke no English and now he is already spelling small words. He's getting really close to reading them as well. It's truly amazing. My husband says he wishes he still learned this fast!

There's lots of great three letter words -- two of my favorites are "Mom" and "Dad". I get a big smile every time I hear him spell them. He's learning words so quickly my husband and I are often thinking of what words to teach him next. There's so many choices (his brother and sister want him to learn to spell their names, too), but I think I know what word we're going to try and teach him next -- "love". To be honest, it really doesn't matter if he learns how to spell it now ... just as long as that's what he's feeling in his heart.

Robin Bartko

No, Mommy -- Recycles!

I got home after work with my three kids today. The kids and I usually have some down time and I usually grab a diet coke and the kids each get a snack. My youngest son, who is two years old, was going thru our snack drawer. He loves breakfast bars. Even so, he passed up a chocolate chip breakfast bar and had his eye on the box of breakfast bars with berries (they are nice and sweet and he just loves them). He looks up at me and says, “Mommy, I want”, and he hands me the partially opened box. I open the rest of the box and it was empty. I told my little boy that the breakfast bars were all gone and to put the box in the trash. He looks up at me with his beautiful blue eyes and says “No, Mommy -- Recycles!”

You see, just over a year ago, my husband and I brought our son home from Russia. He was 21 months old and spoke no English living his entire life in an orphanage. Looking back on this last year, it is just amazing how much he has learned -- not only his language skills, but understanding what is going on in a typical family. Just knowing the difference between trash and recycles is pretty incredible for a two year old. I think about the difference between heredity and environment in a child’s life -- both are so important. However, I am learning more and more everyday that environment has a tremendous influence on a child. And, as his Mom, I'm so glad it does!

Robin Bartko

A bond like no other

Today was Labor Day and my husband and I were both enjoying the long weekend. It felt like a bonus day after a busy weekend visiting family and friends. We decided to make it as a relaxing as possible and headed to a local park with our three children.

While my husband was throwing a football around with our two older children (it's fun to watch him run around so much!), I kept an eye on our youngest, a nearly three-year-old toddler who we were blessed to adopt internationally from Russia last year. He was playing on a huge playground, climbing up monkey bars and going down slides. While I'm sure there is more than a bit of "mother's pride" here, he was climbing and sliding like a much older child.

He is, without a doubt, much more independent and physically gifted than our other children at this age. I often wonder if this is because he had to fend for himself more living in an orphanage most of the first two years of his life? Of course, I will never know the answer to this question. I do know, however, that it is truly a joy to watch him play!

As I was watching my little boy I noticed a little girl, probably from China, playing on the tennis courts behind us. She was picking up tennis balls and putting them into a container. When the little girl looked up and called her mom who was playing tennis, I realized that her mom had made her own "leap of faith" (along with a long journey and lots of paperwork) to have this beautiful child forever become a part of her family. How wonderful!

While I did not say a word to them, I instantly felt a bond. The memories of my own "leap of faith" that brought our youngest home last summer went through my mind. Here we were, with likely so much in common, so close to each other enjoying our children on a beautiful late summer day. I thought about talking to them, to speak to another "adoption friend", but thought why intrude on a moment that we both worked and prayed so long to create?

Even though we didn't speak, I believe adoptive parents have a bond like no other. We know and understand the ups and downs of the journey to build our families. And, once we bring our children back to the United States into their forever families, we know that long journey and everything else that went with it was so worth it. Now, if I could just master raising a toddler!

Robin Bartko

Let the fun begin -- "I Want Beach"

With school starting soon, my husband and I were discussing whether we should head down to the beach for the weekend. We both know how busy we get when school and homework projects kick in. My husband and I were talking back in forth, discussing if we have all the school supplies, school shoes, clothes, etc. ready for the first day. We were trying to figure out if we had the time to get away.

Our three children overheard this conversation and wanted to give their input. My oldest said she would like to go to the beach, but was concerned about one of her fish. My oldest son was neutral, but wanted to be assured he could play in the arcades if we make it down to the beach. And, my youngest (my 2 year old adopted from Russia last summer) just quietly observed the rest of the family and then said “I want beach”.

So off to the beach we go. Our busy lives can wait just a few more days. The carefree summer days of bare feet and sand are calling us, and we don't want to let them go just yet.

Robin Bartko

My Mommy!

The other night I was picking up my son from daycare after work. When I arrived my daycare provider (a truly wonderful person) was quite busy -- she was in the process of changing my son'’s diaper as well as having several other children tugging on her sleeve. To make things even more challenging, there was a new little child that had just started in daycare and was having a hard time adjusting. I picked up the new little child to comfort her and give my daycare provider a hand. My son saw me do this and looked up and said loudly, "My Mommy!"” He stood up and tugged on my pants and insisted that I pick him up as well.

My son and I left our daycare and headed home. As I was driving I remembered what I was think last year as we were wating to bring him home from Russia ... when so many things were racing through my head ..."Will he love me?" Will he bond with me?" "Will he know I am his mommy?"

Now that over a year has passed, I am just amazed. "“My Mommy!"” just said it all. A bond between a parent and child is truly special regardless of path in which the child has joined your family.

Robin Bartko

I Want to Hold Your Hand -- Forever

I remember the joy that I felt not too long after the births of my two oldest children when each of them first squeezed my hand. Of course, with such little hands they really only could grab my thumb, but it still felt wonderful just the same. Unable to speak, I felt it was their way of showing that I was their mommy and they were my babies. Showing me that we needed each other and loved each other as I used to say “so, so much.” Although real hugs wouldn’t come until so much later, it felt as if they were grabbing me with both arms just the same.

However, when my husband and I were blessed to adopt our youngest son he was already 21 months old. Growing up in an orphanage in Russia I’ll never know who, if anyone, was there for him the first time he wanted to hold someone’s hand. To make that connection that said I need you and we love each other so, so much. While I have no doubt that the caregivers at the orphanage did the best they could (and I thank God for the care they gave my son), it just couldn’t be the same. He had to be growing up more independent than our other children did – not having mommy to run to when he needed to be comforted or just need love. And it sometimes makes me sad to think of it.

On that special day when he came home with us I believe he bonded with me quickly, and I know that we have a special bond as mother and child that will last forever. Yet the hugs and hand holding were not quite the same. There wasn’t the “squeeze” that you get when your child is really trying to tell you how much he loves you. How much he needs you and that only you can make him feel better. Perhaps giving a hug is a natural instinct at first, but maybe if you don’t feel the love from being hugged back you stop trying. You become more independent. And maybe you have to learn to hug again.

Well, the other day my husband was driving our youngest to daycare before he went to work. Along the way he asked my son if they could hold hands. He said, “Yes.” Our son then proceeded to grab my husband’s hand like he had never done before – putting his fingers between those of my husband’s and squeezing as if to say we need each other and love each other so, so much. Finally, he wrapped his fingers around my husband’s thumb and squeezed tightly. The moment we had missed when he was young had finally come. And it felt so wonderful. Perhaps he now knows that we want to hold his hand – forever.

Robin Bartko

It's Really a "Small World" After All!

I was recently down at the beach in Ocean City, MD with my family on vacation. I had my husband and three kids with me and after hitting the boardwalk playing our favorite games of skee ball and air hockey in the arcades, we got hungry and headed for some pizza in the Dough Roller restaurant. The hostess in the restaurant sat us next to the kitchen door (not usually our favorite place to sit) and we ordered our pizza. As we were waiting for our dinner to arrive, my toddler was getting a little restless and was standing in his seat (with his dad watching him closely). With his happy and outgoing personality -- and making the most of the wait -- our son soon started waving to the kitchen staff as they were taking food and dishes in and out of the kitchen, giving them a smile and a wave each time they walked by. After a while, he even got them to give him a "high five"

After dinner, my husband and kids headed off to the boardwalk and I waited behind to pay the bill. The same members of the kitchen staff who my son was "playing" with came to our table and started clearing the dishes, and I noticed they were talking in Russian. After talking with them (in English, of course) It ends up they had come from Russia to work at the beach for the summer. Who would have known that these young men that my son was waving to and "high fiving" with were born in the same country he was ... a country almost half way around the world. So far away and different, yet so much more familiar to me now.

As I was leaving the restaurant, I noticed in a small Russian flag through the kitchen door and it made me stop and think. Before adopting my son last year, I would probably never even thought to ask where these young men had come from, or even wonder much about what their world was like. Some say adoption changes a child's life. Maybe so, but it also has changed mine. My son, has helped me see what a small world it is after all. And that's a wonderful thing.

Robin Bartko

Wow! What a difference a year makes.

I was at the pool today with my toddler. My two older kids had headed off to an amusement park with my husband and his sister. My toddler was quite content to have his mommy all to himself for a change. As we entered the pool area I noticed it was a typical community pool. It had steps that we could walk down and numbers on both sides of the pool that progressed 3 foot, 4 foot, etc. and increased as the pool got deeper and deeper. My toddler was quite content to play on the step area and splash his feet in the water. The pool had several grandmothers in it as well as their grandchildren.

After playing on the steps for a while, my toddler started getting a little restless and started walking around the pool. He would point to the 3 feet sign and say “three”, he would walk some more and say “four” and then finally up to 8 (in the 8 feet section). After doing this quite a while, one of the grandmothers that was observing asked me how old my toddler was. I told her he was two years old. She looked at me and another person in the pool and pointed to my toddler and said he is a “Little Einstein”. She was so impressed with his counting and language knowledge. When she said this, I smiled and it made me think back to last year at this time.

You see, last summer in June, my husband and I went to meet our son for the first time. He was in an orphanage in Samara, Russia. We traveled half way (literally) across the world to meet him. He was 19 months old. We had traveled from Baltimore to Philly, then Philly to New York, New York to Moscow and then Moscow to Samara, Russia to meet our new son. When we got to Russia last year it was over 90 degrees and humid. Not quite the snowy and cold weather you think of when you envision Russia. When we arrived to the orphanage to meet our son, we waited patiently in a room for him to come in. One of the orphanage ladies’s brought him to us. Our son looked at us and started heading out of the room. He cried like their was no tomorrow (not uncommon for a child that age). It was definitely not love at first sight for him. We were crushed. My husband and I thought to ourselves “we traveled half way across the world to meet this child and he doesn’t even like us”. Soon after, the orphanage lady returned with a cookie to calm down our son. After his cookie, my husband and I got down on the floor and started playing with him. We got to see him for only a few hours for two days.

About 6 weeks later, we returned to Russia to bring our son home. English would be a second language to our son at this point. He had grown so much in that short of time. By now it was July and it was about 97 degrees and very humid. No air conditioning -- was it hot. My husband literally had sweat pouring off of him. We went to court in Russia and our son became officially ours. As we left our child’s clothes behind and put on his new clothes, we were ready to start our new life together. Ourselves and several other adoptive couples piled into a minivan and we were off to the airport. I held my son close to my chest and I could feel his little heart pounding very hard. He held on to me tightly and off we went to our new life together.

Now a year has gone by and my adoptive son has crossed so many milestones. He says “STOP” every time he sees a stop sign. He tosses pool rings to the other children in the pool. He points and says “French fries” when we pass his favorite fast food place. I just look back and say “Wow! What a difference a year makes.”

Robin Bartko

It's just the beginning

Today I'm taking another first step ... not that it's the biggest one, mind you ... but a significant one just the same. You see, just over a year ago I brought home my youngest son and first adopted child from Russia. Now that was a big step -- a "leap of faith" -- one that years ago I never imagined I would take and now I can't imagine being without him.

When we brought him home he was almost two years old. While we had been blessed to be parents twice before (our oldest, a girl, is almost 11 and our our oldest son is 8), we had bascially forgotten what it was like to be the parents to a toddler, and joked that we went from "zero to toddler" in a 60 seconds. But what a year -- we've watched him grow so much ... and it's been such a blessing getting to know him. Sure, like with any child there are lots of up and downs, joys and challenges. But what an experience filled with so many firsts for both of us!

So, today I take another first step as I decide to share some of these experiences with all of you. I may not be the best writer, but I'm hoping it's the thought that counts. You see, my husband and I would never have taken this "leap of faith" unless it was for other parents of internationally adopted children sharing their experiences with us. It helped us recognize that our thoughts and fears were not unique -- and gave us the courage to adopt internationally. I'm hoping that somehow, some way, this blog might help someone else decide to do the same -- or if you are already an adoptive parent -- might help you see you're not alone.

Better get some sleep ... life as a mom starts early tomorrow! Until next time.