I Want to Hold Your Hand -- Forever
I remember the joy that I felt not too long after the births of my two oldest children when each of them first squeezed my hand. Of course, with such little hands they really only could grab my thumb, but it still felt wonderful just the same. Unable to speak, I felt it was their way of showing that I was their mommy and they were my babies. Showing me that we needed each other and loved each other as I used to say “so, so much.” Although real hugs wouldn’t come until so much later, it felt as if they were grabbing me with both arms just the same.
However, when my husband and I were blessed to adopt our youngest son he was already 21 months old. Growing up in an orphanage in Russia I’ll never know who, if anyone, was there for him the first time he wanted to hold someone’s hand. To make that connection that said I need you and we love each other so, so much. While I have no doubt that the caregivers at the orphanage did the best they could (and I thank God for the care they gave my son), it just couldn’t be the same. He had to be growing up more independent than our other children did – not having mommy to run to when he needed to be comforted or just need love. And it sometimes makes me sad to think of it.
On that special day when he came home with us I believe he bonded with me quickly, and I know that we have a special bond as mother and child that will last forever. Yet the hugs and hand holding were not quite the same. There wasn’t the “squeeze” that you get when your child is really trying to tell you how much he loves you. How much he needs you and that only you can make him feel better. Perhaps giving a hug is a natural instinct at first, but maybe if you don’t feel the love from being hugged back you stop trying. You become more independent. And maybe you have to learn to hug again.
Well, the other day my husband was driving our youngest to daycare before he went to work. Along the way he asked my son if they could hold hands. He said, “Yes.” Our son then proceeded to grab my husband’s hand like he had never done before – putting his fingers between those of my husband’s and squeezing as if to say we need each other and love each other so, so much. Finally, he wrapped his fingers around my husband’s thumb and squeezed tightly. The moment we had missed when he was young had finally come. And it felt so wonderful. Perhaps he now knows that we want to hold his hand – forever.
Robin Bartko
However, when my husband and I were blessed to adopt our youngest son he was already 21 months old. Growing up in an orphanage in Russia I’ll never know who, if anyone, was there for him the first time he wanted to hold someone’s hand. To make that connection that said I need you and we love each other so, so much. While I have no doubt that the caregivers at the orphanage did the best they could (and I thank God for the care they gave my son), it just couldn’t be the same. He had to be growing up more independent than our other children did – not having mommy to run to when he needed to be comforted or just need love. And it sometimes makes me sad to think of it.
On that special day when he came home with us I believe he bonded with me quickly, and I know that we have a special bond as mother and child that will last forever. Yet the hugs and hand holding were not quite the same. There wasn’t the “squeeze” that you get when your child is really trying to tell you how much he loves you. How much he needs you and that only you can make him feel better. Perhaps giving a hug is a natural instinct at first, but maybe if you don’t feel the love from being hugged back you stop trying. You become more independent. And maybe you have to learn to hug again.
Well, the other day my husband was driving our youngest to daycare before he went to work. Along the way he asked my son if they could hold hands. He said, “Yes.” Our son then proceeded to grab my husband’s hand like he had never done before – putting his fingers between those of my husband’s and squeezing as if to say we need each other and love each other so, so much. Finally, he wrapped his fingers around my husband’s thumb and squeezed tightly. The moment we had missed when he was young had finally come. And it felt so wonderful. Perhaps he now knows that we want to hold his hand – forever.
Robin Bartko
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